Waiting till we retire…

In my twenties I was bulimic, depressed, overweight, drank too much and had no way to regulate my emotions healthily. I was working long hours on charter superyachts, partying far too hard and my time was not my own. I was a functioning, unwell woman. Since those dark depths, I have prioritised time and money on my health and wellness above all else, even before my children. I know that if I am not well, how can I possibly look after them? I invest in myself now so that I can then be a better person to everyone in my life.

Health and wellness doesn’t come easily. You have to really work hard at it and be in it for the long game. This wellness journey is for life, not just for a month or two and sorry to say, there is no quick fix either.

You might say I am selfish with my time but when you have been really ill, there rises up a driving force that makes you fiercely protect the things that make you feel even slightly better in life. I want to feel well, energised and vital well into old age.

For me now, I train outside where possible and I also see a group PT for weight sessions twice a week. It’s brilliant as I don’t think, I just turn up and do. As well as this commitment I am a member of a small leisure club. It’s not particularly fancy but it has a pool, sauna, steam room and hot tub. I go there 2/3 times a week and in the winter it is a lovely treat to visit after a long cold run and warm my bones in the sauna. There is monthly investment of course but it is something I look forward and I see the rest time as a key part of my health and wellness. The accountability of PT guidance helps to keep up the fitness habit and the luxury in the form of the club is like a reward, which keeps me running and wild swimming in the colder months.

Now you make think that these are excessive and unnecessary expenses. I know we can all work out at home and go to the local council pool. But don’t you think that sometimes it’s just great to have a break from the incessant motherload thinking and simply be told what to do? I know I do, and that in itself is part of my health journey. Thankfully I no longer feel guilty about taking this time out anymore.

So back to my gym and I was in the changing room the other mid morning, surrounded by mostly retired ladies and I overheard a conversation along these lines.

Lady 1: Have you been coming here long?
Lady 2: No, I have recently retired so joined last month.
Lady 1: That’s nice, it’s lovely isn’t it. I have been coming for a while since I retired too.
Lady 2: Yes I do enjoy the swim now I have time. It’s a great way to start my day. But I do feel guilty for taking the time out.
Lady 1: You shouldn’t feel guilty, you deserve it. You’ve earnt this.
Lady 2: Yes you are right I do. I have worked so hard all my life and now I am going to start enjoying myself.

I listened in and felt such sadness as these elderly ladies have waited all this time till they retired to finally put themselves first. I wondered how much have they sacrificed for others or how much of their own emotions have they suppressed to keep the peace. I know I am projecting and I am sure they have had lovely lives but it makes me question…

As a society why do we wait till retirement to rest and enjoy ourselves?

Is there a reason we (especially women) feel guilty for taking time and money to invest in ourselves?

Do we see it as too much rest time and not productive enough?

Is it a low self worth?

Who knows, it will be different for everyone but I say there is no time like the present to start investing in your wellness journey and I will continue to take rest, dip, sauna and steam as quite frankly I’ll take anything that helps me to slow the f**k down, I hope you do to.